The only way I could concretely contribute to mother’s memorial service, was to provide a headstone which was still missing. I assumed my family did not have the financial means to buy one. I was a little hesitant however on offering my help. Didn’t know how sensitive these financial matters were (I realize I know little about Indonesian culture and manners). A headstone would cost less than twenty euro, so what we were talking about. But for their standards it was expensive. For me it was the same amount that I had spent on a new lipstick just a week before.
I wanted nothing more than to help. In the end, we decided Teguh would offer politely to buy a headstone on behalf of me. When it became clear that my sister accepted the offer gratefully, Teguh bought one that same day (last Saturday). He ordered a tombstone and had the marble plate engraved. Teguh, my sister and Aunt Mujihah brought the headstone to mother’s grave the next day. Along with the pink and white flowers, which I had asked Teguh to buy also.
Next day I received a picture in my whatsapp. I saw the grave, the stone and on top a bed of bright pink roses, jasmine and orchids. And felt more connected to my family than ever.